Crater Lake To Stanley, Day 8 : Curiosity

I get up and out of the hotel room with no trouble. Before leaving I drink a prodigious amount of water, shower, and fill my water sack, but forget to fill my canteen.

Then I zig-zag out the east side of Burns towards the long 20-mile flat stretch of Highway 20. Before I get to the highway I have to pass down some long, barren streets that have probably sectioned out active farms in the past, but now just run through empty fields gone to seed. In a dirt lot between two corners of an unmarked intersection, I notice a beat-up truck with a guy sitting in the cab and another disheveled guy sitting in the back. They seem a little menacing, until one of them waves hello at me, and I raise my hand in return. The other man raises his hand in response to mine. And with the greeting ritual complete, I relax and ride on.

It sets me to wondering, though – does my own presence make people nervous? For a few days in the desert, I had to wear a scarf across my face to keep my sunburn from getting worse, and I must have looked exactly like a terrorist. … Well, a terrorist pedaling a recumbent bike.

And yet, I still got plenty of waves and smiles from passing cars. Go figure.

Soon I turn right, onto Highway 20, aka the Central Oregon Highway. I am treated to a gentle downhill grade, and zoom along at 16 miles per hour for a while. I play through Slim Westerns again, then I put the iPod in shuffle mode and come up with the ancient radio version of Har-De-Har-Har, The Ballad Of The Typical Asshole, performed by DJ Zog in another era.

That segues into one of Zog’s noise shows, and that propels me all the way across the flatlands. Just before the hills begin I pause to drink water and eat a red bell pepper, and some curious horses come moseying up to the fence for a look.

Sorry, horses, I don’t have any snacks for you.

About an hour later I’ve ridden up to Oard’s Gallery and Museum, the only real building in the “town” of Buchanan. It’s at the foot of an extremely steep hill, so I decide to take a break. I guzzle some water and buy some snacks and a soda, and spend a few minutes petting the big old snaggletoothed orange cat that walks around on the display counters, then go on a little tour of the museum.

There’s a lot of stuff crammed into a very small space here.

Some of it is for sale … but I have zero interest in purchasing. Anything I buy would have to be hauled hundreds of miles on a bicycle.

Bike touring gives you a very different perspective about souvenirs.

Outside the rest stop I chat with a guy refueling his motorcycle. He’s wearing a black leather jacket with broad shoulders, over a T-shirt with a noir-style Popeye drawn on it, striking a thoughtful pose.

“Stanley Idaho, eh?” he says. “My old hunting grounds. Beautiful place. You’ll like it there.”

He zooms off on the motorbike, which is far too quiet and agile to be an American vehicle, taking only a few seconds to ascend the hill that’s going to take me half an hour to climb.

Crater Lake To Stanley, Day 7 : Curiosity

I’m on my way out of Wagontire. I’ve had a solid breakfast and a nice chat with the young girl who is granddaughter to Wagontire’s only permanent resident. (She brings the total population of Wagontire up to 2.) She’s in an unfortunate situation – her body is maturing much faster than her mind, and she’s rebelled against the trappings of womanhood and become a tomboy, and started hanging out mostly with boys, which unfortunately exposes her to a greater portion of the physical pressure and deceit that young boys can exhibit. I wanted to warn her about this, but couldn’t find a way to steer the conversation there without coming across to her grandmother as a creep.

Anyway, I’m back on the road, pedaling towards Burns on Highway 395. “Slim Westerns” is my theme music for this terrain, and I’m most of the way through the album. The water in my bandanna and gloves is almost entirely gone.

I stop at the top of a large hill and pee on the highway. It’s taken me a while I get used to peeing right out in the open; in high desert there’s no shelter to hide behind, and no trees to pee against, except perhaps the telephone poles. So you just stand any old where and let ‘er rip, and hope there aren’t any electric cars on the road, since you can’t hear those thing coming.

I get back on board and coast down the hill, and begin slowly climbing the next one, a long shallow incline several miles long. Near the top, I glance in my rear-view mirror and see a dark shape coming up slowly behind me along the side of the road. Immediately the Stephen King story “The Long Walk” elbows into my mind, and I laugh out loud at myself, then shove the vision back out of my mind. Just what I need – Death himself striding up the shoulder after me.

After a few minutes the shape slowly resolves into two shapes, weaving in and out of each other. I pull my headphones out and turn my head to listen, and hear no engine noise, and no farting of Harleys. It must be bicyclists. If they’re cycling out in this wasteland, they must be on an extended tour. Hot damn, my second encounter with fellow tourers!

Eventually they draw up alongside me. It’s two young men, in t-shirts and bicycle pants. They’re on upright bikes with what I would consider a light amount of gear strapped to them. One is bearing a gallon jug of water with a screw-top lid, bungee corded to a rack. With each stroke of his pedals the bike swings, causing the water to slosh around. They’re ascending the hill much faster than I am, because they’re standing up on their pedals. Ah the impatience of youth. Quietly I worry for their survival in this heat, with no helmets and a half-gallon of water to share.

I wave, and shout “Where ya headed?”

“Yellowstone!”

“Cool!”

“And you?”

“Stanley, Idaho!”

They quickly outdistance me, on their lighter bikes and younger legs.

Hours later, I descend into the town of Riley. The entire town consists of one large general store, thrown together at a T-junction in a patch of cropland. I coast over to the entrance and discover that the two kids I’d seen earlier in the day are here, splayed out on a wooden bench, slowly eating ice cream cups. Each has purchased a bottle of spring water and drained it. Their bikes are laid on the ground near some bushes, and I dismount and kickstand my bike near theirs, behind a motorcycle. The owner of the motorcycle is sitting on another bench, chatting with the two boys.

“Fancy meeting you guys here!” I say. They laugh. “Of course, there’s only one road out of here, to the east, so it was kind of bound to happen.”

I pull my empty canteen off my seat and walk into the store. I purchase a root beer, some chips, and a couple of bananas, then hold up the canteen and ask, “Is there a place I can fill this with water?” The woman at the register directs me to a sink, and I fill the canteen and then soak my bandanna, gloves, and the arms of my shirt up to the shoulders.

Outside I place the canteen back behind my seat. One of the boys examines it with an expression like, “Why didn’t I think of that?!” I chat with them for a while, and take their picture.

Feeling less taciturn now, one of them asks if I can help him with the rack on his bike. A strut is broken and he’s had to apply copious duct-tape to it; and the bag still slides off. I hand him the large zipties I’d brought in my repair bag, wishing that I’d remembered to pack some actual rack hardware like I’d intended to. He thanks me sincerely and sets to work on the rack. Looks like I’ve made some friends.

It’s funny; the desire to help fellow bike tourers is curiously intense, and it even extends to other people on the road who aren’t touring. I find myself interested in helping strangers that I would usually ignore, and taking action for them that would usually seem like too much of an inconvenience. For example, what if my own rack breaks now? I have no zipties to field-repair it. But here’s a broken rack right in front of me. The zipties should be used; it doesn’t matter that it’s not my rack.

Crater Lake To Stanley, Day 7 : Discomfort

Over breakfast I tell the woman who runs Wagontire about the cow noises, and she says, “Yep, as a matter of fact, they were runnin’ a bunch of cows by here last night.” Mystery solved.

It’s mid-afternoon, and I’m riding away from the “town” of Riley. I’ve got water and snacks, and am prepared for another long, rolling run over scrubland hills and hay fields. But I’m not prepared for what I find at the top of the next rise: A construction zone, compressing the road in half, with a guide car, and a woman at the head wearing a hard-hat and holding a sign – the reversible kind for directing traffic.

The woman just waves at me, and then gestures for me to go ahead up the road, regardless of the timing of the traffic. I’m skeptical, but I decide to follow orders. As I proceed up along the left-hand shoulder, very slowly, a procession of huge trucks bellows past me, only a few feet from my wind-tossed bicycle, and in one case only a few inches. The woman with the sign makes no effort to stop them or even slow them down, even though I am still only partway up the hill.

Then, just as I reach the top of the hill, I see a long chain of cars coming towards me on the single lane. The worker at the other end of the zone has signaled for their traffic to proceed, completely ignorant of my presence. The woman who waved me in was clearly not doing her job, and jeopardizing my safety.

The oncoming cars notice me and slow way down, attempting to compensate for the uncomfortable position. I wave sheepishly at them and curse the woman with the sign, under my breath.

Thankfully, the people running the next construction zone were much smarter. The woman running that one let me go first, then slowed down the guide car so I led the group, until I was safely in the two-lane region.

On the way down a big hill leading to the next major town, I find a piece of property that looks like an outdoor warehouse for old car parts.

I’m sure it’s nice to have a spare part handy for whatever breaks down on this winding, scorched road, but the resource is a bit of an eyesore. I also can’t help wondering what awful things are leaking out of the engine blocks and crankcases and permeating the soil of the valley. The scene compels me to think about the difficulty of managing industrial pollution, how modern cities have to bootstrap themselves from one configuration to the next, to serve the whims of the economy and the affluence of their population, and how every stage leaves a different kind of detritus that must be managed. Mine tailings, animal crap, railroad ties, lead piping, copper wire, et cetera through the ages … and in this case, poisoned soil.

The town I’ve arrived at is called Burns. On the way in, I rode past a huge refinery smokestack, standing alone in a field of bulldozed ruins. Rebar and cement lay in heaps. I imagine the only reason the smokestack remains is because the contractors are not sure how to safely knock it down. For now, it’s just another half-finished project, a sloppy mess on the edge of a town that is sloppy in general.

To visualize the street layout of Burns, and the level of urban planning that was probably involved, picture a giant hand sweeping across the sparse patchwork of roads that meander through most of the Oregon wilderness. Imagine the hand gathering up these roads into a compressed wad. Now the wad is tossed into a waffle iron, pressed flat, and cooked at a thousand degrees so everything gets torn up, cracked, and melted. Welcome to the town of Burns. Inside the city grid, you’ll be lucky to find a piece of uncracked pavement wider than a beach umbrella. What isn’t bulldozed is crumbling. What isn’t crumbling, is festering under several layers of paint and tar.

I’m sure there are people who live here and love it; and to them, I apologize. You’re nice people; I met some of you. But your whole town is beat up like a roadsign by a rifle range.

I’ve just checked into what is probably the worst hotel in Burns. I didn’t mean to; I was just looking for something close to the center of town. The layout of the room is as bad as the layout of Burns. The second bed (and I’m taking liberties with the definition of “bed” here) is so close to the front door that I have to lift my bike over it sideways to get it into the room.

The lights that work are crap fluorescents, but I want it dark anyway, so that’s alright. I’m standing in front of the mirror of the tiny bathroom, inspecting my brutal sunburn from the last week of riding.

How appropriate. I show up in Burns, and I’ve got burns. I really need to make some kind of face-covering to complement the scarf on my head.

Crater Lake To Stanley, Day 6 : Discomfort

I’m in a tiny town called Wagontire that’s really no more than a single residence with a couple of amenities tacked onto it: A cafe, an RV park, and a motel. Even so, it has an entry in Google Maps, so it must be the real thing.

The motel portion consists of one long building, subdivided into a row of six rooms. According to the woman who came out to greet me when I arrived, only the first two rooms in the row are functional and therefore rentable, and the rest are in some state of disrepair.

You can tell that this is the case by looking at the roof of the building. It gets progressively more damaged from one end to the other. When I asked the woman if she had any rooms available, she said that the first two were occupied, but I could stay in the last room on the end, provided I was okay being in a room that didn’t have a toilet or a shower or any running water.

“How much that would run me?”

“Oh hell I wouldn’t charge for that. You can stay in there for free.”

I said that was very nice and then asked her where I could get some water. She had just closed the restaurant (it was only open until about 4:00pm) so she led me around to the front of it to let me in and fill my canteen.

An old couple driving an RV rolled into the parking lot. It was one of those huge RVs, a house on wheels. The engine sounded like it was in poor shape. The old man sat in the cab with the engine running while the old woman came out and asked the lady if they had any good stuff to eat at the restaurant.

“No, I just closed it up. But what did you want?”

“Well, we’d like a cup of coffee if you have that…”

“Oh, why not. I’ve got the door open anyway. Come on in.”

The old man shut off his idling motorhome and he got out. The woman filled my canteen with water and then served the old couple coffee and told me that if I wanted, I could take the five gallon bucket that was already in the last room and fill it with water in the laundry area in back of the restaurant, so that I could pour it into the toilet, making it flush. I told her I hadn’t quite decided whether I was staying the night or whether I was going to press on to the next town, but I would stay in that room on the end if I decided to stay here.

“Alright. The room is unlocked, so just go in. There’s an electric ceiling fan that works.”

She closed up the restaurant again, and I rested outside on one of the wooden benches, looking around at my bike and the RV and the string of motel rooms, wondering what to do. I noticed that my bike was learning against a post with horseshoes nailed to each end that was meant to have horses tied to it, which I thought was appropriate, since it was the thing I had been riding all day.

The old couple went back out to their RV and had considerable trouble starting the thing up. I think they were still getting used to the idea that it had a generator as well as an engine and that the two couldn’t be started at the same time, or something like that. After an entire five minutes of revving and chugging and bangs and ignition noises, he finally got it started, and waved at me, and drove on.

Eventually I decided that since the room had an electric ceiling fan, that meant it had electricity. Perhaps I could go in and charge up the GPS tracker which had nearly run down, and charge up the laptop, and synchronize all my gadgets and whatnot. The only problem was that I had almost no food. I had a bunch of really dry and crappy protein bars and a little fake cardboard milk carton of chewable vitamin-C candy that was disgusting and waxy, and that was all. But since I was feeling tired already, I decided to wheel the bike over to that room at the end of the building and try to make a night of it.

So, here I am in this room.

It has two double beds with mismatching covers and a nightstand between them bearing an ancient electric clock shaped like a soft rectangle, with those 50’s-style soft rectangular numbers on it. For flooring it has a bunch of old peeling vinyl tiles. The peeling is quite bad just inside the door. Whatever color they used to be is unknown; they’re different shades of brown now.

Across from the beds is a wall-mounted gas heater, vertical standing, that is broken or turned off. If you stand near it you can hear the wind whistling through the pipe that leads up from the floor to some vent in the roof. There is a big window occupying the wall between the front door and the corner of the building, broken into multiple panes, with one of them stuck permanently open a few inches. Thick curtains cover the window.

As the wind travels across the roof of the building it enters the vent before it reaches the corner near the window, so you hear the noise in the heater first and then you hear the noise against the corner of the room by the open pane. Sometimes it sounds like a person humming. Other times it sounds like the howl of a coyote, cut short.

To the left of the heater is a door leading into a bathroom. The door doesn’t quite fit in its frame any more and won’t close. If you stand next to it, you can feel unnaturally cool air seeping out from behind the door. The reason for this becomes clear once you actually enter the bathroom and look around.

Inside, there’s a small window which is caked shut, and looks out onto a view of desert scrubland and nothing else. The toilet is filled with a tiny amount of water and dead insects and black specks of mold. Jutting out from the wall next to it is a sink, which is bone dry. The cabinets above the sink are open, and the mirror is covered in dust. There’s a bunch of remodeling hardware scattered on the floor. The shower is one big piece of painted metal and has been ripped out from wall. All the floorboards beneath it have been torn up and removed, and It’s sitting directly on the naked crossbeams under the building. Cool earth-smelling air is constantly streaming up out of this hole and filling the bathroom. It smells and feels like the interior of a gopher hole.

Among the hardware is a plastic bucket, empty except for a collection of lifeless bugs at the bottom. It’s probably the bucket for dumping water into the toilet in order to make it flush, but no one has stayed in this room for a long time, so the bucket is completely dry, and bugs have been wandering over the lip of the bucket and been unable to escape. When I was standing in this room looking around, I tipped the bucket over and several of the beetles dragged themselves out and crawled weakly towards the hole in the floor.

When I went back into the main room and tried to close the door it wouldn’t close all the way, so I wedged it as closed as I could and searched the room for a power socket to plug in my laptop. I found one but it was behind a small beat-up desk, so I hauled the desk along the wall until it was pressed against the bathroom door, holding it shut. My laptop is now sitting on the desk looking extremely out of place with its sleek illuminated keyboard.

Above the desk, at just about ceiling level, is a small pair of stag antlers nailed to the wall. They’re still rooted to a section of the carapace that would have formed the top of the animal’s skull, and there’s still a fringe of dried fur attached to that. The nails holding it to the ceiling have been driven straight through this carapace. This isn’t actually the worst taxidermy I’ve seen on my trip through here but it’s pretty bad. Complimenting the antlers are a half-dozen pictures in frames, hung randomly around the room. One of them is a shiny velvet painting of a family of black bears playing around in front of a cabin. Depending on where you stand, the reflected light makes them look menacing or playful. Are they just passing by? Or have they just emerged from the cabin, after dining on the humans within, like the illustration on the last page of some old-world fairy tale?

The ceiling fan does work but there doesn’t seem to be any way to turn it on without turning on the lights, so it’s off for now. The ticking of the old electric clock is very audible in the room, but I don’t really feel like rooting around behind the dresser to try to unplug it. The bike is here, standing in the middle of the floor. Some of my gear is spread out across one bed and I’m laying on the other.

Right now I’m wondering how I’m going to be able to sleep once all the daylight fades. At 9:00pm the last of the light will be gone and then this room will be in complete darkness, except maybe for my phone, and the screensaver of the laptop. I can see myself napping here during the day and I probably should have tried a little harder to actually nap instead of listening to an audiobook. When night falls I’m not sure what I can do. This room is very strange.

I don’t have to worry about the outside world because the door does lock and the shades do close, and by all appearance there’s nothing here that anyone would want to break in to steal. But the consolation of the lock on the door also brings with it the disturbing condition that I’m sealed inside. I’m tired, my dreams have been very weird lately, it’s almost completely dark, the room has no phone, and I have no cell signal so there’s no one I can call. As a matter of fact there is only one person in the world right now who knows where I am exactly, and that’s the woman who told me about this room.

At about 10:00pm I wake up to the howling of coyotes.

About an hour after that I wake up to the sound of mooing cows. The noises seem to be coming from all around outside the room, as though a hundred cows were on a midnight walk through Wagontire. It’s bizarre but I have no interest in opening the door for a better look. I turn over and claw for a bit more sleep.

Crater Lake To Stanley, Day 6 : Curiosity

I’m biking my way out of Christmas Valley, having decided to go east and bypass Summer Lake and Paisley because it’s clearly too hot to camp. Back in town I found a pair of “glove liners”, lightweight cotton gloves that cover my hands where my long-sleeved shirt exposes them. I’ve soaked these in water, along with most of my shirt, and a bandanna beneath my helmet. I’m wearing sweatpants to keep my legs from burning. Only part of my face is exposed to the open air; the rest of my body is covered. As long as I keep pedaling, the moving air evaporates the water and I feel almost pleasantly cool, in contrast to the 100-degree environment I’m in.

Ahead of me, straight on for twenty miles, the road vanishes into a heat haze. Brown telephone poles, bleeding tar, march along the right-hand side of the road, so far out ahead of me that they look like burned matchsticks, and then blur into a solid wall beyond that. I look to my left and right, and can’t help thinking that the terrain I’m seeing was very appropriately named, when the pioneers came through, and gave it the title “badlands.” It’s a gently rolling expanse of gritty sand and shattered rocks, crowded over with sharp, waist-high bushes that make travel in a straight line extremely unwise. Furthermore, it’s oven-hot, and the bushes offer zero shade.

About twenty-five miles out of town, halfway up a hill, I soberly realize that if the road were to suddenly vanish beneath me, forcing me to deal with the badlands, I would probably have about three days to live.

I reach the top of a rise and about ten feet away, an enormous brown hawk leaps up from the ground, flapping, and pounds its way up into the sky over my head. I look at the spot where it had been and see the ragged body of a small animal, a rabbit maybe, in a cloud of dust. As I pedal down the hill and up the next one, the hawk draws a few wide circles in the air above me, then falls behind. Hopefully I didn’t scare it out of a meal.

The experience immediately reminds me of my past encounters with bears, and the thought that comes into my mind each time: How many thousands, or even millions, of these large animals had to die, before their gene pool was sufficiently altered to give them an instinctive fear of humans? Did they have it outright, or did they have to refine it?

Or to put the question another way, how much worse did the early settlers have it, than us, when they encountered a huge hawk, or a gigantic bear, or a wildcat? Did the critters just wander up and start swinging, and clawing through the supplies, and carrying off the cats and dogs and chickens? Or did they do what they do now – and scramble out of the way because humans are eldritch beasts of unfathomable power?

Inquiring minds want to know.